But I’m Not Really THAT Smart!

* Rough Transcript *

Hello! Recording live for this week’s Embracing Intensity podcast, and today I wanted to talk about something that I’ve started to notice as I’ve been talking a lot more about twice exceptionality. Now, in case you, you may not have noticed or seen, but I actually had a post on TikTok go semi viral for me.

It blew up anyway. I got Almost a thousand followers in a couple of days, and it was basically on, it was a put a finger down twice exceptional edition which means I had ten different things that you might relate to if you are twice exceptional. And there were a ton of people who responded, a ton of people who really related.

And one of the things I noticed both there and the more that I’ve talked about giftedness and twice exceptionality is people will say, well, I relate to your work, but I’m not really gifted. Or I relate to your work, but I’m not really that smart. And. I kind of wanted to address that because I think there are probably a lot more people out there who really are gifted and don’t realize it than the other way around.

And so there’s a few reasons that you might not identify as gifted or really, really smart. Any number of reasons, but a few that came up as I was thinking about it include the biggest thing is I think that we confuse giftedness with achievement and we assume that in order to be gifted you have to be a high achiever.

And so if you’re not academically oriented or you don’t do super well academically, you might not think you’re all that gifted or smart. But they’re actually two different things. In fact, I know a lot of gifted people who actually dropped out of either high school or college. And so, achievement is not required to be gifted.

Another thing that might happen is sometimes if our entire family is gifted, we may just think, well, this is just how everyone is. There’s nothing special about me because everybody in your family is the same way. Or you could actually have the opposite where your family really doesn’t prioritize academic achievement, or school, or any of those things, and so they kind of discouraged some of your gifts growing up.

Another thing, let’s see, obviously, twice exceptionality can impact that. If we have some strengths that are way, way up here, and then other things that are way down here, that can get in our way, and it can feel like we’re not as high as we really are in certain areas. And then another thing I’ve seen is a lot of times if folks have an easy time early on and they do really well and they achieve, they achieve, they achieve, then they hit a wall at some point where suddenly they’re not doing super well anymore because they’ve hit whatever that wall is or whatever that line is where they actually have to work hard.

in order to achieve in whatever it is that they’re, they’re doing. And one of the things that we tend to do when we’re young is we associate part of being smart is things coming easily. And so if suddenly things start to get hard, we start to think, well, maybe I’m not as smart as I thought I was. So those are just a few things that came to mind.

For me, I know, I was super lucky because I was identified, even though I was identified a little late and I had a pretty not great elementary experience, by the time they moved me, they moved me out of that school and into a new school. So I knew that there, that it was significant. And then in middle school, I was in a class where in my grade, there were only four, and then later three of us in my class.

So by the time I graduated middle school, there was only three of us in my grade that were in that program. And so when I went to this other program in high school, and there were 18 of them, I knew they weren’t in that tiny little program with me in middle school. And so, there was a part of me that kind of knew I was probably smarter than them, but they were all high achievers, and so they did really well.

And so, rather than me feeling like, oh, well, maybe I’m not as smart as I think I am, I just resented them because they were high achievers. And I thought, well, they’re not really that smart. They’re just, they just work hard, which. I know now is, is very, very important, but I, it was really only because of my middle school experience that I was able to have that perception.

If I hadn’t had that, I probably would have thought, I’m not that smart because look at all these people, they’re doing so much better than I am. And when I got to college and I dropped out, before that, I actually got tested for learning disabilities because I was worried there was something else going on and, and they didn’t really know about ADHD back then.

They kind of dismissed it, even though I had these skills that were way, way up here and these skills that were way down here, but because nothing was below average and a lot of it was way above, they just kind of dismissed my challenges, even though they were clearly there. If you can see that kind of a discrepancy, there’s something going on.

And, you know, later I would discover it was probably ADHD, which was recently confirmed. So those are some things that might get in our way when we’re trying to figure out am I really that smart? I’m, maybe I’m gifted, maybe I’m not. Eh, I don’t know. But one of the things that I’ve observed is that if you tend to be drawn to that work, you tend to be drawn to things that talk about giftedness, it’s really worth exploring because Something I loved on Nadia, she was on my podcast, she has a podcast called Unleash Monday and she had Paula Prober on.

And asked her, how many people come to you thinking that they’re gifted when they really aren’t? And Paula said, none. Which I agree with because I feel like if you think you are but you’re questioning it, you probably are or you think you might be. It’s a lot less likely that you think you might be and then really aren’t.

Unless, you know, somebody’s in extreme self importance, in which case you probably wouldn’t question it. You would just assume you’re smarter than everyone and you wouldn’t be questioning it. So if you think you might be and you’re questioning it, I think it’s worth exploring. And speaking of Paula Prober, her take on giftedness, she doesn’t always use the term gifted.

And it’s one of the reasons I, I didn’t use the term gifted for a long time because There’s other things, it puts people off sometimes, and I, I don’t really like the term either. And so Paula came up with the term rainforest mind, which explains how your brain can be more complex. And she, in her book, she describes the rainforest mind as people who are excessively curious, idealistic, sensitive, highly intelligent.

So she’s got a great blog and two books out there now on your rainforest mind. You can find it if you just search your rainforest mind. And all of her work is great, it’s a great take on it, and it can kind of give you a new perspective. Another one that can give a great perspective is Mary Elaine Jacobson’s, the gifted adult, and the way she describes giftedness is intensity, complexity, and drive.

So those are the three aspects of giftedness that she identifies, and I see that as well when I’m looking and when it comes to drive, that can be. That can be a drive that goes towards achievement, or it can be a drive, like, for more information, or to find out, it can be really, like, in one area, it can be that hyper focus, that, that drive to know more, that curiosity, that sort of thing.

And so that’s the way that I see drive. It doesn’t necessarily mean that your drive is to achieve, achieve, achieve. And then finally, the last book that I’d suggest is James Webb, who has, he’s the founder of SANG, Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted, and his book for adults is called Searching for Meaning.

Idealism, bright minds, disillusionment, and hope. And some of the things I love about that book is that, first of all, he talks about how oftentimes our natural idealism, perfectionism, this idea that we want to see, this idealistic vision of what we might have of the way things should be. And when they’re not that way, then we can become disillusioned, and so some people still are kind of living in that idealistic mode, but sometimes we can be in that disillusioned state as well.

And so he talks a lot about coping mechanisms and unproductive ones and productive ones, and so I highly recommend those three books. So if you think you might be gifted, or if, if any of my work resonates any, thing from Paula Prober, any of those things, if those resonate with you, I, I encourage you to look more into it because there is so much to be found in that realm.

And it can be helpful in understanding, especially, not everybody that I interview on my podcast is, is twice exceptional. They’re not all necessarily intellectually gifted, but they are, they do embody some of the characteristics of that that I’ve talked about here. And so if those stories resonate with you, it’s worth exploring.

But if you suspect that you are, Potentially twice exceptional, that can be even more important because if we have these really big strengths and these really big challenges, it can be extremely helpful to identify what those are so that we can use our strengths in a positive way and reframe how we approach our challenges so that we’re not pushing up against ourselves and doing things in a way that doesn’t work for us.

On that note, I did want to share that I am reworking my website right now and the way that this year I’m really going to be focusing on content and community. And because of that, I am going to temporarily halt any kind of new one on one services. Because I really want to spend time creating things that can reach more people and to help more people.

And the more content and the more I focus on the community, the more people that I can reach. And so I’m reworking my website. You can check it out. I’m in that process, so it’s not totally done, but it’s, it’s an ongoing kind of process. But if you want to continue to support that content and community, You can support us through Patreon or join the community at EmbracingIntensity.

com and in the community I also have a 12 part course called Ignite Your Power that goes into all sorts of things about self regulation and how we can kind of channel our energy in a positive way. So if you want to support that work, check it out. Patreon also, I created some new tiers so you can get some fun merch if you want at the different tier levels and yeah, check it out and come join us in the community.

We’re going to be meeting this week to kind of talk more about How we can build the community up and, and some things and where to focus my energy in the community. We have our next call on the 20th with Brendan Mann on the Wall of Awful, and We’ll be really exploring where to go from here. So come join us in the Embracing Intensity community.

It’s a great bunch of people and I’m really excited about the people who’ve been joining us on calls and in the community. Have a great day! Bye bye.