217: wRITE to Heal w/ Nneka Coxeff

* Rough Transcript *

Ep. 217

Nneka: The healing process is your journey, and it’s a very personal journey. We acquire life lessons. We acquire tools. We acquire people. As we’re moving through the world, if there’s anything that doesn’t serve you in a positive way, let it go.

Aurora: Welcome to the Embracing Intensity podcast. I’ll be sharing interviews and tips for gifted, creative, twice exceptional, and outside the box thinkers who use their fire in a positive way. My name is Aurora Remember Holtzman. After years of feeling too much, I finally realized that intensity is the source of my greatest power.

Now, instead of beating myself up about not measuring up to my own self I’m on a mission to help people embrace their own intensity and befriend their brains so they can share their gifts with the world through the Embracing Intensity community, coaching, educational assessment, and other tools to help you use your fire without getting burned.

You can join us at embracingintensity. com.

Hello. Today I am super thrilled to share with you the talk from Nika Kokseps. Call

Nneka: on

Aurora: Writing to Heal, and you can find the full discussion in the Embracing Intensity community, and I highly recommend it because there were some fabulous questions and Nika shared some fabulous insights in the discussion part of the call.

I am especially excited because not only was it our biggest community call, and we had people from all over the world join us, but the next day, Nika messaged me to

Nneka: talk about setting up a monthly call with

Aurora: the Embracing Intensity community to talk about Writing to Heal. So we are still collaborating on what that’s going to look like and when.

But you can join us in the Embracing Intensity community, or stay tuned to find out more. And on that note, I have been encouraging Nika to start a Patreon so that folks can help support her work, because she is always posting and sharing her poetry and healing writing on social media, and now she’s sharing.

even more, and so if you’d like to support her work, you can do that on Patreon, and I’m going to be setting that up right now, so there will be a link in the show notes, or you can search Right to Heal. Enjoy! Welcome everyone. For those of you who don’t know, I am Aurora, the host of the embracing intensity podcast and community.

And Nika is a friend, both in real life and online. And she’s been on the podcast and she does amazing work on using writing as a healing tool. And she does workshops all over the country. And I feel really fortunate to have her here to speak with us. So thank you so much, Nika. This is awesome because, Nika, this is the first time that one of our calls has gotten me on a fourth column of pictures.

So this is the biggest turnout we’ve had yet. So thank you guys. I know it takes a little longer to introduce ourselves, but thank you so much for being here, Nika, and I’ll let you take the lead.

Nneka: Hello, everyone. So yes, I’m Nika Coxeth and it is a pleasure to be here and to see all the diverse locations that everybody is coming from.

So thank you for carving out a moment of your Saturday, um, to be with us. I’m thrilled to be here on the Embracing Intensity within the community. I too am intense. I met Aurora a couple years ago. We sat down and we had tea and I don’t think either of us wanted to get up and finish the conversation.

That’s how intense and amazing it was. But I’m here today to talk to you all about my journey with the Right to Heal project and to let you in on a little bit about what I do. So, I’m an empowerment practitioner. I’m a certified master life coach and mindset coach. I am a lifelong learner, so I studied communication at Portland State University.

I have Taken the numerous amounts of certification classes, trainings I’ve done. I’m a certified shamanic life coach, and I’ve taken the training for integrative neuro linguistic programming. I think that with all the education out there, my biggest, my biggest Lessons that I’ve learned is literally through the school of hard knocks and obtaining my PhD in life.

Seriously, I have used and looked toward journaling throughout the course of all of my life. I’ve always hidden away, created new worlds for myself within the covers of my journals. I’ve experienced a lot of loss almost as soon as I entered adulthood. Loss was a big part of my life. So when I was 21, almost 22, I lost my second born child years after that, I lost a spouse and a couple of years after that, I had to say farewell to a parent.

So in the matter of the first three decades. of life. I think I was 32 when my mom passed away. I had to experience some significant, deep, hard life or hard loss. And with that, again, I turned to my journal and it helped me process. It helped me heal those wounds. Grief is something that it never really goes away, and it’s all about learning to maneuver with the newness of it, right?

I know there’s the steps of grief and all that, but really life is about learning to go with the punches or whatever, but grief looks differently for everybody, and I’ve always used writing as a tool. I am a writer. I’m a creative writer. I’m a poet. And it was in 2017. I set out to write my first, my first book.

And it’s called the calm before the storm life after loss and writing to heal. And that was my first time where I attempted to sit down and be like, okay, I’ve used this tool to help me through life. How can I Use it, put it out in the world to benefit others. And through that, I was playing around with that right to heal component.

And I created, or I founded the right to heal project. And if you notice, when you see my logo and stuff, the W and right. Is lower case for a reason I use writing as a tool. But the Right to Heal Project is all about helping others see and own that it is their birthright to heal from loss. We don’t have to stay in it.

Life is heavy, it’s hard, but it is our birthright to learn those life lessons and to overcome. And so with the right to heal project, it was in 20, 2018, I was asked to put together a workshop for the ladies of the light first healing retreat. And that was where I was like, okay, this is where I could put my writing to heal, to use.

But even, but with that, it just catapulted into this whole thing to where now, whether it’s collaborating with Ladies of the Light or hosting Writing to Hill workshops or retreats, day retreats, I found my gift to give back to the world. I believe that we go through experiences in life. To, to acquire that empathy, that, that knowledge.

And with those, with, with the things that we learned throughout life, we are supposed to hold space for others who have experienced similar situations. Um, so in my retreats and workshops, not only do we write, because I do use that as a tool, but I encourage my guests and my clients to put voice to their pain.

And with sharing your stories. You empower others. And you let people know that they’re not alone because we all have similar stories. I want to say really quick to Lana. Thank you for being here and thank you for expressing your adversity or apprehension with writing. I get that all the time. Every time I host a workshop, there’s always.

At least two people that are like, Hey, I don’t write. I’m here. I’m here for a reason. I need some healing. I got to release some stuck emotions, but I’m not a good writer. Here’s the thing. I don’t, I almost cringe when people categorize my workshops as writing workshops. Because it’s not about, it’s not about like the act of writing per se or the finished product.

It’s not about like, so many people tell themselves they’re not a good writer, just like Sara shared in her intro. The act of writing, Even within your journal and people are like, Oh, I don’t want to keep a diary. That’s so childish or whatever. But the whole point of it is to get those feelings, those emotions, the experience, the hurt, the pain, the sorrow, the love, the excitement.

Get it out on paper. So we all know, or we’re learning more and more that when we can’t get it out and we leave that stuck emotion in your, in your, within, it shows up in your body, physically, stress, cancer. ailments, heartache, uh, heart disease, high blood pressure. Literally our body responds to everything that’s, that we put in our mouth, that we put in our body through our emotions, our mind, what we’re telling ourselves.

So writing, whether you feel you’re good at it or not, getting it out in that form. Cause sometimes not everybody has the voice to express themselves or to process orally. Or they’re embarrassed or ashamed or whatever. So writing literally is a tool to help you just get it off your heart. But I’m telling you at every session, there’s somebody that’ll raise their hand and is like, I’m not a good writer.

I’m like, yes, you are. And guess what? You don’t have to be because at my, at my workshops. I’m, I’m facilitating it, but I’m not your teacher. I’m not coming in with a red pen, ready to write it up. There’s no grammar policing. In fact, nobody’s going to read what you write down. It’s literally for you. It’s a personal relationship with you and whatever it is, whatever challenge that you need to work through.

So literally it’s just another tool. So when you’re done, Picking up the phone, calling all your girlfriends to orally process things, but yet you’re still working through it, picking up a blank sheet of paper if you don’t have a journal or a notebook and just scribing it out can, it can be powerful. So I do reassure.

That my guess that it’s, it’s not a writing workshop, although in the end, nine times out of 10, you are going to create some beautiful work, whether that’s your intention or not. And even for those who don’t want to physically write words, there’s power and sitting with the intention or the writing prompt and just doodling.

So I learned, and one thing that I really like about writing is that just like breath work and meditation, when you’re doing a free write, whether it’s a prompted free write or not, but when you get lost in the act of writing, it takes you to that meditative trance, and it opens you up. Hold on, there’s a message.

Yes, but it opens you up to receive those downloads and receive those messages. So it is a meditation. Um, so if you allow yourself to go through the process, you never know what the end result’s going to be and what message you’re going to get from it. I didn’t read that comment all the way through.

Aurora, did you see it come up? Yeah,

Aurora: sorry, I know you’re on your phone, so chat might be a little harder. She just said, it allows me to express myself authentically, not filtered, when I am not able to verbally express authentically with others, which I think you’ve shared about as well.

Nneka: Yes, I agree with that wholeheartedly.

So whether you’re a good writer or you think you’re a good writer or not, writing does have power and can help you through those stuck emotions. And it’s a great way, it’s a great way to release Like I’ve mentioned, but it’s also a great way to receive. So like when you can get yourself to that meditative state, sorry, it comes up on my screen and almost takes up half of the screen.

That’s beautiful though. So someone just said that when they can’t write or find the words, they draw. Geometric shapes that, and that’s beautiful because it helps, it’s almost like it all, it’s almost like it takes you out of your own way so that you can gain clarity and guidance again. So at my workshops, I do, I use writing as a tool.

I also bring in breath, work, guided meditation and visualization exercises. I love movement and one of. The things that I also put with it is voice. So when I create space, a comfortable environment for my guests and hold space for them, we usually are in a circle. I love circles, but I will guide them through.

Various writing prompts. And then at the end, I open up the floor to share and it’s always optional, but there, it, your voice is so powerful and owning the crap that you’ve been through and putting voice to it and sharing has. Amazing healing proponents as well, not only in yourself to voice it, but the person sitting next to you or across the room.

And I think it’s beautiful because I learned from others too, right? So when we’re in the circle and sharing and being in that space and holding space for others, when people start to share the process and they release. Because sometimes when you’re writing, when you get there, and we work hard to raise the vibration to get everyone to that meditative state so they can receive downloads and guidance.

Sometimes when you’re writing, you don’t even know what you’re really writing until you go back and read it for yourself out loud, or for yourself, or, and, or out loud. But as everybody’s sharing in the circle, and it’s always optional. You don’t have to share if you’re not comfortable, but I really, I encourage it.

I work really hard to create safe space, but as everybody’s sharing, it’s like the release continues and it’s such a beautiful and powerful thing. Cause sometimes I don’t know about you all. But I’m not, I’m not a public crier. It’s hard to cry sometimes because it’s vulnerable, it hurts, it’s painful, but there is such a beautiful release and crying and shedding those tears.

And um, so I know in my workshops that sacred circle is another powerful component. I wanted to tell you guys a little bit about How and why I got started. So not only have I experienced a lot of loss, but when I, um, was at Portland state, I was studying various components of communication, whether it was intercultural communication, writing as communication, I had a whole career.

I went back to college, first of all, later in life. So I was in my late twenties, early thirties, and. Prior to that, I hold, I had a whole career in public relations and so communication in general has been my life, but now at that point, I wanted to go back to school, earn a degree and really focus on communication, but I signed up for this women’s studies class.

I forget her last name, rest in peace, but Ms. Roslyn, and it was a transformative writing course. To help women heal. And when at the time I signed up for it, my first husband had just passed away and I found myself as a single mom of three, and I was probably about a year removed from. laying him to rest.

And I saw this course in the catalog or whatever. And I was like, okay, I just needed an elective. It sounds interesting, but if I’m going to take this class, I’m going to own it. And I’m going to really be vulnerable and see what it’ll do. Right. Cause I always journaled, I free ride, I express myself.

Poetically, all of that. But I was like, hmm, transformative writing. Let me see what this is about. I went into that class. Mind you, I was, I was an older student because everybody was in their 20s, but I owned every single activity that she taught and the one that The one that I remembered the most is still my favorite writing prompt.

She set us up, and she was always about breath work and really setting the stage, preparing, um, the moment, but it was a Q& A exercise. And she told us, she’s like, think of a challenge that you’re working through in one of your relationships. And I want you to write out a, write out a conversation, have an interview with the person.

And that person could even be an internal conflict with yourself. She said, set up your paper, put a Q at the top, Q for question. Write out your answer or write out your question, then as soon as you write it out on the next line, put it a for answer and then whatever comes to mind. I want you to write that on your piece of paper and keep going.

Ask the question that comes to your mind. Answer it. And just whatever comes to your head, have this interview to work through this conflict. And I did that. And it was the first time that I did it with my boys dad and mine, or even attempted to have like a written conversation with him. I mean, at the time I was talking to him out loud and having conversations and cursing him for leaving me with three boys and going through all the emotions, but this is the first time that I.

Pen attempted to pin that conversation to see what it would come out of it. And at the end of class, she always opened it up to share. And I was like, okay, I’m going to share this. I’m going to, I’m going to attempt to use my voice. Cause I’m always writing, but I’m going to attempt. And when I. Shared the process and what came out of it out loud.

Of course, every head in the room turned because I was sharing something so vulnerable, but it was after class when a few of the students were going through some different hardships in their relationships and they came up to me and they thanked me with all of their being for being open and vulnerable and sharing that right there was like, okay, there’s something to this.

There’s something to the work that I just innately do. And that opened up a whole nother door for me. So when Sarah hit me up to put together a workshop for the healing retreat, I already knew I had already started writing my book. The tagline was perfect life after loss and writing to heal. And I, I thought of miss Rosalind’s class and I created my first workshop around that and I knew in that moment that.

This was the work that I wanted to, because it is powerful. And when you can be vulnerable and open yourself up and share a piece of you, and then have, you know, realize that other people have similar experiences and stories, and have been through similar things and just knowing that you’re not alone and seeing the power, just the confidence, or just the.

The relief even that people expressed and knowing that it’s a powerful, beautiful. So this year, I’ll tell you guys for this year with the Right to Heal Project, I’ve collaborated again with Ladies of the Light. I’ve gone through Sarah’s Rites of Passage to become a certified Ladies of the Light Wellness Practitioner.

And with that, we have. I was invited to go on tour with her as one of her featured practitioners throughout this year, going from the West coast, all the way to the East coast and sharing our offerings and gifts with the world or with, well, we’re, we’re domestic. So within the country, but, um, just to let everybody know, I mean, the state of the world, we’re dealing with COVID, everybody’s in house.

Race relations is super thick and everybody’s just going stir crazy. And we really made an effort to put a beautiful ceremony together to help people through this time and heal. So as I’m gearing up for 2022 with the right to heal project this year, I’m spending my time collaborating with ladies of the light and offering a right to heal experience within their Sunday ceremonies along the tour.

It’s, it’s been beautiful, but we do have a lot planned. I am, I’m here to just, to just share my offerings, to share my grace, and to just be a part of the community and be that voice of encouragement. You’re not alone. Life is hard. Life is hard. It’s all get out sometimes, but we can make it through. And what I really love, um, about this community with Aurora is it’s important to find like mindedness, people with similarities, so continue to do the work if writing is your thing.

Hey. It’s a beautiful journey. If it’s not, it’s a beautiful one to learn and to embrace because it’s a, it’s a powerful tool. But at this point, I just want to open it up for questions and discussion and get to know you all a little more, see what you’re going through. If I can be of service, provide you with a positive word of encouragement, I’m here, but yeah, ask away.

Yes, thank you

Aurora: so much, Nika. Every time you speak, I like you’re so in line with everything that I, I feel as well about that. So thank you so much. I’ll

Nneka: let you go ahead. Well, I would just say to wrap it up, the healing process is your journey. And it’s a very personal journey. We acquire life lessons, we acquire tools, we acquire people.

If, as we’re moving through the world, if there’s anything that doesn’t serve you in a positive way, let it go. Let it go. I don’t care if it’s relationships. I don’t care if it’s clothes that have been torturing you, hanging in the closet, two sizes, too small. Let it go. If it doesn’t serve you, if it doesn’t bring you joy, if it doesn’t make you whole, release it.

And start truly stepping into your manifestation mindset and grow. The world needs you to be whole. So whether it’s writing, whether it’s orally telling your story, be true to you, be authentic. And when you’re authentic to who you are, you’re owning the good, the bad, the ugly, and the insanely beautiful. Be you.

That’s all I have to say. Awesome.

Aurora: Well, thank you. Thank you so much, Nika. This was so fantastic. And I’m really looking forward to sharing the talk part on the podcast for anyone who wants to access the discussion recording that will be in the Embracing Intensity community, which if you’re not already there is embracingintensity.

com. And there’s pay what you can option if if there’s any issue with the fee, but Nika, when I post that there, I’ll tag you. I know you’re not in there frequently, but you may, there may be some comments and things that you might wanna check in on ’cause I’m sure there’ll be a lot of positive feedback.

Nneka: And also please do tag me ’cause I do, I do love the community and I need to circle back around and engage a little more. Um, things have been crazy, but if anyone also would like to get in contact with me, I do have a website and it is www dot.

blpmagazine. com that’s blacklaceandpearls. com. On there, there’s a right to heal tab. So if you want to learn more about the right to heal project, what I do and where I’ll be, I know we’re all over. Everybody here is all over the world, but I am on tour with ladies of the light sharing the right to health experience and we’re going to be in New York next month on May 16th.

We’re going to be in Baltimore on July 25. We’re going to have a two night retreat in Oregon. August 21st and 22nd. And then we’re back down South in September and November in Atlanta and New Orleans. But you can connect with me on the Ladies of the Light community or platform at community.

ladiesofthelight. net. And again, BLPmagazine. com. So thank you all for being here.

Aurora: Awesome. Well, thank you so much again, Nika. It was such a pleasure to have you. And if you guys have any thoughts, comments, when I share this, once it’s there, I’ll be sharing it in the Embracing Intensity community. And then, like I said, the first part of it’ll go on the podcast, but there was so much rich discussion.

I definitely think that it’s worth watching the whole thing. So

Nneka: thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you, Aurora. Bye bye.

Aurora: Looking for ways to embrace your own intensity? Join our Embracing Intensity community at embracingintensity. com, where you’ll meet a growing group of like minded people who get what it’s like to be gifted and intense and are committed to creating a supportive community, as well as access to our courses, to help you use your fire without getting burned.

There’s also a pay what you can option through our Patreon, where you can increase your pledge to help sustain the podcast or join us at a rate that better fits your needs. You can also sign up for my free harness. The power of your intensity, a self-regulation workbook for gifted, creative, and twice exceptional adults and teens.

All links can be found in the show notes or on embracing intensity.com.