202: Chipping Away Layers of Societal Conditioning with Julia R. Wild

Today’s show focuses on highly sensitive people. My guest loves helping HSPs uncover the layers of conditioning put on them by society and bloom in their uniqueness. Join us to learn more.

Julia R. Wild is a bestselling author, spiritual teacher, and trauma educator with a Master’s degree in psychology. She’s also a writing, creativity, and life coach. Her first self-help book for sensitives became an Amazon #1 bestseller, and she’s a TEDxMileHigh Blogger. Julia loves helping highly sensitive and empath children and women find their soulful, powerful voice. Part of her work also helps parents of highly sensitive children better relate to their kids. Julia enjoys disrupting conformity and subverting the dominant paradigms so people can express their unique, sovereign creativity and live extraordinary lives. She is a big believer in writing for healing and embracing the shadow as much as the light. She has two projects slated for publication soon, including her Master’s thesis on autism from a spiritual perspective.

Show Highlights:

  • Why is Julia intensely passionate about her creativity, being an “old soul,” helping people find their voice, social justice, equality, and animals

  • How Julia grew up in a household with extreme abuse and dysfunction in Manhattan but attended an all-girls private school

  • How Julia’s personal brand of intensity involves being direct and blunt with a heightened sensory perception of sounds and smells

  • Growing up, Julia’s intensity made everything more pressurized and challenging because of her toxic home and stuffy school

  • How Julia’s cultural factors involved growing up in the rich environment of NYC, which gave her perspective and helped her be open-minded

  • Why Julia has to water down what she says and writes

  • How her intensity gets out of control with things she finds too stimulating

  • How Julia uses her fire for good to help sensitives set boundaries and self-advocate

  • Julia’s Master’s thesis, which gives a new, more balanced perspective to autism

  • How Julia harnesses the power of her intensity with self-care, valuing her capacity for depth, and using her intensity in service to others

  • Personal habits that help Julia are writing, channeling energy, and finding an appropriate use of humor

  • The best advice Julia ever received:

    • From Maya Angelou: “When someone shows you who they are, pay attention the first time.”

    • From the Buddha: “Don’t believe anything because you heard it. Find out for yourself.”

    • “You’ve gotta risk it to get the biscuit.”

  • Books that Julia recommends: Proof of Heaven by Eben Alexander, Walden, by Henry David Thoreau, Citizen by Claudia Rankine, and The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron

  • How Julia helps others use their fire by “unconditioning” people and undoing the layers of conditioning that have been put on them by society

  • Parting words from Julia: “Honor your sensitivity. If you’re weird or different, stay weird or different. It’s healing to tell your story, so value it.”


* Rough Transcript *

Ep. 202

Julia: What I came to realize, you know, meeting people and being there and being in all these different circles of life, was the things that you assume about people based on their appearances or what you think they would be grouped by on an individual level. It’s like mapped very individually.

Aurora: Welcome to the Embracing Intensity Podcast. I’ll be sharing interviews and tips for gifted creative, twice exceptional and outside the box thinkers who use their fire in a positive way. My name is Aurora. Remember Holtzman, after years of feeling too much, I finally realized that intensity is the source of my greatest power.

Now instead of beating myself up about not measuring up to my. Self-imposed standards. I’m on a mission to help people embrace their own intensity and befriend their brains so they can share their gifts with the world. Through the embracing intensity, community coaching, educational assessment, and other tools to help use your fire without getting burned, you can join us@embracingintensity.com.

Julia: Hello? Today’s guest is Julia Rose, wild author of Sensitive Warrior. 10 Ways to Respond When You’re called Overly Sensitive, and this was a great conversation that wrapped up my winter break. I had some grand plans to make some. Animations of the rerun episodes I shared in December, and to finalize my schedule for the embracing intensity calls.

But my project for my grandma making a small suitcase train for her. Dominated my week and I realized that I just needed something, some sort of activity that had nothing to do with work for a couple weeks. So I pretty much did. Family had some visitors and had a great. Break and I am back to working on the schedule this week.

So hopefully by next week we will have all of our guest calls laid out for the new year. And on that 

Aurora: note, happy New Year. Enjoy. Welcome to Embracing Intensity Today. I’m super thrilled to have Julia R Wild. Bestselling author, writing, creativity and Life coach, spiritual teacher and Trauma educator with a Master’s degree in psychology.

Her first self-help book for sensitives became an Amazon number one bestseller, and she is a guest blogger for TEDx Miles Hive. She loves helping highly sensitive and empath. Women and children find their soulful, powerful voice. Part of her work is also helping parents of highly sensitive children better relate to their kids.

Julia enjoys disrupting conformity and subverting the dominant paradigm so people can express their unique sovereign creativity and live extraordinary lives. She’s a big believer in writing for healing and in embracing the shadow as much as the. She has two projects slated for publication soon. One of these projects is her master’s thesis on autism from a spiritual perspective.

You can find out more about her and her upcoming online writer’s retreats and other offerings for sensitives at her website, julia rw.com. Welcome, Julia. 

Julia: Thank you. I really appreciate you having me. I absolutely love your podcast and think it’s like a beacon of light. Uniquely wired people, . So I really appreciate you having me.

Yes. Thanks so 

Aurora: much. Glad to have you here. And you, you’re gonna be our first interview of 2021. 

Julia: Shaza. . So exciting. Thank you. There’s no better way to shake off 2020 and kick off a bright new start right on the page. Let’s turn the page on. The worst year ever. . Yeah, totally . 

Aurora: So tell me a little bit about.

And what you are intensely passionate about. 

Julia: I would say that I’m certainly a creative soul, and I’ve always felt like an old soul. I kind of like to start with talking about the soul, which probably seems intense, but in my private machinations, I’ve decided that that’s really the most authentic place to speak from.

It’s, you know, for me, I would say that, you know, I’ve been asking myself, Would be of service to speak to in this interview. And I think part of what I wanna share as someone who’s sort of differently wired is I had, part of my story, especially early on, was growing up in a household of like extreme abuse and dysfunction, and then I.

It was in New York City and it was weird because I would sort of open the door into my home and enter this like gateway of despair, you know, on the upper east side of Manhattan. And then every day for five days a week, I would exit that threshold and enter the threshold into one of Manhattan’s most elite private all girls schools.

Where I had to wear a pin of four up until fourth grade, and a uniform after fifth grade, and only in high school where we allowed to wear our own clothes. But you know, in that environment, we were expected to be these empowered kind of leaders of the world type women. From the contrast between the two really couldn’t have been more different, you know?

Mm. And I think it was sort of like this double burial of who. Really knew myself to be because I wasn’t being hard at home and at school. It was so, it was stuffy, . Mm-hmm. , you know, and kind of traditional and conservative and all the things that I felt, I didn’t even know the words for. Like I didn’t know what an impact was.

I didn’t know about. Energy psychology or things like that. So I guess I wanted to put that out there in case there are, especially in this very strange time, like people just thinking they’re weird and suffering and there’s no light at the end of the tunnel and they’re stuck at home. Mm-hmm. , I just feel like if I can make it through that, then pretty much anyone can

Do you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. , I guess I wanted to articulate that, but that probably segues well into what I’m passionate about, like, I think. Felt so stripped of a voice. You know, helping sensitives have their powerful voice, their authentic voice is really important to me and I, I, for one, has been a huge part of my path.

Healing has been a huge part of my path. I’m passionate about that, helping people excavate that. One of my favorite TED Talks, have you seen this, is sir, can Robinson, is our school’s killing creativity? Mm 

Aurora: mm. Yeah. Yeah, I think a while back, 

Julia: yeah, it’s kind of a modern classic now, but I think he talks about what we would now call a neurodiversity and, you know, kind of stop appreciating this one cookie cutter way of, Contributing to the world and appreciate all different forms of intelligence and genius.

I’m very passionate about that. I’m passionate about that, particularly in the resurrection of like one’s sovereign creativity. And then, you know, I’m passionate about like animals and social justice and , certainly equality in all regards, and particularly for women. And I just think in a way, This is in my book, but you know, there’s all these kinds of discriminations and isms.

There’s, you know, racism and sexism. In a way, I think that like neuro neurodiversity discrimination, like being down on people who are differently wired or just assuming the worst about them without even understanding them, is kind of like one of the last frontiers of discrimination. Mm-hmm. , like for people who are wired sensitively, think it’s really unfair.

Tell them to stop being so sensitive or label them as overly or hypersensitive or whatever, you know? Mm-hmm. , it’s just like how they are. It’s like if you’re born gay , you know, it’s like, what are you gonna do? It’s how you are. Mm-hmm. , I’m passionate about that too, and making sure people are helping people feel confident about that.

Yeah. Yeah. 


Aurora: so important. 

Julia: Yeah, I think so. It’s not like, you know, I think that there’s probably more damage that can come from being insensitive. Than too sensitive , you know? So I don’t really see what the harm is anyway, but that’s just my point of view. Yeah, 

Aurora: yeah, it’s true. Yeah. So tell me a little bit about your own personal brand of intensity and what does intensity look like for you?

Julia: I would say I can be very direct. I can be very blunt, and I think that’s actually part of my sensitivity. It’s kind of like I almost sort of download things in an instant, and then like if I don’t have an editor, it’ll just come out my mouth or like out of my hands on the keyboard. So it’s interesting, I’ve learned for some reason in human interactions, when you’re speaking, most people can’t seem to handle that.

But for whatever reason, when you’re writing. Being direct, being clear, being concise, really serves you. Mm-hmm. . So I would say my personal brand of intensity is a lot of directness in writing. And then for me, like on a day to day basis as, as a muggle, you know, , I I have sensory, like intense sensory awarenesses and heightened sensory perception like sounds and smells and oh my, those are the two that seem to have become the most pronounced over time.

Mm-hmm. . Like the tactile thing isn’t so much for me, but yeah. Sounds and smells. So does that answer your question? 

Aurora: Oh yeah, totally. So how do you think your intensity affected you growing up? 

Julia: Oh gosh. It just made, I feel like it made everything exponentially more like pressurized and I don’t know if I wanna use the word difficult for me, it did add an extra dimension of challenge, I think, because I think.

Sensitives sort of have a double whammy in the world in that you sort of perceive more and feel more, and you, my favorite definition of sensitivity is processing information very thoroughly. Mm-hmm. , you know, and sometimes with that there’s like an increased kind of consciousness of human dynamics and the energies of people.

For me at least there was, and so in the toxicity of my home, In this kind of like stuffy school environment, which also was very intellectually stimulating. I won’t, I won’t deny that. You know, it was like the things I felt, I felt deeply, and at the same time, I really didn’t feel like I could fluff it out and express it.

So I just think in that regard it made things harder. But on the light side of that, like when I heard a song that I loved, or if I was in nature, like it would just like completely saturate me. Do you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. , so it was, that was, that was sort of a . 

Aurora: Yeah. Yeah. Say that. Yeah. Do you think there were any cultural factors that affected how you could express yourself?

Julia: The first thing that comes to mind when you ask me that actually is like growing up in New York City. Like, I did not really appreciate how rich of an environment that was in every aspect until I moved out of it. I didn’t realize, I know this is gonna make me sound really like, like localized, but I just didn’t realize not everywhere in the world is like, you walk down the street and hear like five languages and walk by like 10 restaurants all from different areas of the world, you know?

Mm-hmm. , you can’t always walk into a museum and see artwork from literally like every country. You know, and I think that just gave me a lot of perspective and made me, I think, very open minded and not wanna make assumptions about people. The other part about, see, I have sort of a contrary view of culture, like, do you mind if I speak into it for a bit?

Oh yeah, . Okay. So this kind of hand goes hand in hand with my New York thing. What I came to realize, you know, meeting people and being there and being in all these different circles of life, was the things that you assume about people based on their appearances or what you think they would be grouped by on an individual level.

It’s like not very individually. So like if you had like five people from France, you know? Mm-hmm. . You would think there’d be more commonality, but it’s like they might as well have not all been from France , you know? It’s like different music, different values, different ways of seeing things. And I think later on, this is sort of backed up by, by research now, which says, I don’t know if you’ve read that National Geographic thing, that there’s like no scientific basis for race, and I know race and culture are different things.

Mm-hmm. , but sort of along these lines of like, have you read. By the way, no. Okay. Well, what it says is like, based on actual, like genetic, like under the microscope investigation, like two people from Spain right. Their genes could be more similar to someone in Japan than they are to each other. Mm. And so it kind of like through a monkey ranch into this whole concept that people have sameness based on location or, or, or genetic heritage.

Mm-hmm. , you know what I mean? Yeah. I know this sounds really abstract, but it’s just, it was kind of a, a, even though I didn’t need the scientific validation, like I felt, it was a scientific validation of things that I had just felt, because I could meet, you know, two people from China. They’d be wildly different, two people from Italy.

Like completely different, you know? So, I don’t know, I think all this just contributed to like, just feeling like if someone’s culture is important to them in, in the traditional sense of how we see culture, like I will let them tell me that. Mm-hmm. , but I, I, I stopped making assumptions that, you know, because you’re Irish, you must , you know, I don’t know what other the stereotypes are so does that make sense? Oh yeah, 

Aurora: totally. In fact, actually one of the animations I’m working on from stories from the podcast, I’m trying. Hard to get down to because anything more than five minutes is hard on YouTube, or at least for that platform, for that method. But Alexandra loves who, she grew up in a international community in the Middle East, and her family was from the us.

They’re black and she, but she never. She never really related to being black until she moved to boarding school in the US in high school. And then all of a sudden everyone was telling her, you know, you, you need to go sit at that, the black table and join this. Oh my God, this, you know, this student union of color or whatever, you know?

And she just never, She never jived and eventually she found her people who were all, you know, from different groups that just didn’t quite, you know, that connected together on a different level for different reasons. But yeah, she had, it was the first time she’d experienced that, where it was like, you look like this.

So you go to that table. And, you know, she grew up in this international community where it just wasn’t a thing. So it was a very clearly externally imposed, I guess, looking for. So, I love her perspective on it. It’s, I’m just trying to figure out the best way to edit it down so that it has, you know, it tells a story without getting too long, 

Julia: because Oh no, thank you for sharing that.

I’m gonna need to like, hopefully connect with her. I, I really appreciate you sharing that because Yeah, that. Exactly kind of what I’m talking about. Like I know I, I look, you know, Asian, but really it, in my internal experience of the world, it has really zero to little to do with anything , you know, except when people sort of impose what they think it should be.

For me, I mean, I have some crazy stories, but it’s like, yeah, yeah, you. That’s also a big part of my writing is like write if it’s important to you, then sure. Articulate what that experience was like for you of the culture you grew up in. But if not, yeah, like just right from the inside out. Like I feel like at heart we all kind of wanna be known from the inside out.

Aurora: Yeah. Yeah. No, I totally agree. 

Julia: I’m glad to hear that. I feel very validated,

Aurora: So, did you ever try to tone yourself down or tune yourself out? 

Julia: Oh my gosh, yes. I think that one of the biggest misconceptions about being highly sensitive is that you’re kind. Weepy all the time, or just like a wilted wet blanket is really not necessarily to me what high sensitivity means, but like it’s sort of the other thing I was talking about is like sometimes you just download things or get things quickly, and yes, I find myself watering things down a lot in the world.

Which, you know, I think sometimes that’s a social necessity, you know? So yes, in that sense, yeah. I mean, if I actually just said everything that I was thinking, I think I would alienate everybody . But again, that’s why like writing, like poetry and stuff can be a great outlet for that. But also in the realm of writing, like I think writing is very self confrontational.

Mm-hmm. . And I would say that like, I’m going to actually borrow, I, I took this amazing class with Cheryl Stray, and this is her idea, these are her, her words, I’m paraphrasing, but she said something like, every time you write, it’s a battle. Like it’s a battle of like, should I say this or should I not say this?

Is this too much? Is this too intense? Is this too personal? Mm-hmm. . And so, yes, it’s it’s constantly that when you’re writing. Yeah. Yeah. , I could see that. 

Aurora: Yeah. Yeah. Did you ever feel like there was a time where your intensity got or felt out of control? 

Julia: You know, I don’t know if my intensity is ever fully in control.

it contained in control. I, how do you control intensity, right. So like hurting cats? 

Aurora: Mm-hmm. , 

Julia: but yeah. Okay. Well, the first thing that comes to mind oddly, is like, I cannot watch scary movies or like violent movies. Like, I just can’t tolerate them. It’s like too stimulating in the wrong way for me. So I don’t feel like control with that.

Like, I’ll run out of a room, if you know mm-hmm. , like Fight Club was on the other day and I just like, ok, I’m, I’m leaving . Mm-hmm. . And then the other thing yes, is, you know, I always do my best to start off on the right foot with people, but after a certain point, cause you know, there are people, I, I used to not think this, but I feel like there are genuinely people out there in the world who are like, kind of looking to start a fight.

Mm-hmm. . And so like, yes, I do think that after a certain point you will incur the full intensity of my raf . And I’m not saying that’s ideal mm-hmm. , but it does happen once in a while. . 

Aurora: Mm-hmm. . Yeah, I think, you know, that’s one of the challenges on the internet too, is I, you know, one is people are gonna look at something from their own perspective and they’re gonna respond.

So like the getting in a fight thing, just like sometimes people will see like one word or one phrase or whatever and respond to that, but they don’t really take in the full message. They’re not really understanding the full perspective. And I think that’s, for me, the big, my big thing is really trying to see the.

Perspective and see everybody’s, you know, a variety of different viewpoints on, on those things. 

Julia: I’ve had that experience. It’s almost like they kind of cherry pick the thing that is like, it seems like it’s triggering them and it’s like taken out of context and you’re like, exactly. Really not what I meant at all.

Yeah. Or like you, like literally you’ll write something totally cute and benign and someone will be like, You’re an A-hole, and I’m like think you have more like one right now, but 

Aurora: Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I always think, I think you can tell a lot by like, if you make one, if you make a clarification and, and their response, you can tell a lot if they’re, if they really are trying to understand mm-hmm.

or if they’re just. They’re just gonna take it how they took it and they’re not really gonna take in your perspective. So I’ll usually try once to clarify and then see how they respond and then I decide if I’m not. Cuz that happened once on Twitter where someone was triggered by certain wording on my website and I.

I responded and they responded back, and they actually thanked me in the end for clarifying. And it was like a really productive conversation, . But other times they’ll just like, you know, other times they, they kind of just stick with whatever it is that they’re, that they’re, they have in their head and you can tell that they’re not really willing to take in new information.

And then I just stop like . I don’t continue engaging in those convers. It’s just not worth it. So. Well, it’s 

Julia: kind and generous of you to even give one chance to clarify. I’ll say that much and I, I’m, it depends on the original 

Aurora: post too, . Yeah. Yes. There are times I just ignore it. Yeah. So, yeah, for sure. So tell me a little bit more about how you use your fire for 

Julia: Good.

Oh, well, I would say that my first book was devoted. Attempting hopefully to help sensitives use their fire for good by using my fire to help them for good . It’s kind of all about assertiveness and setting boundaries for people who try to. Shame you for being wired how you are. So I think that’s probably one example.

I think being able to self-advocate in this world that is almost prone to a kind of unconsciousness. And you know, to me ultimately what sensitivity shaming is, is like, it’s like not wanting you to be aware. You know, I think being able to self-advocate in that regard is like, is very important, especially when you’re already sensitive.

Also in writing, I seem to have a knack for like, you know, I feel things like I, I feel like I can feel when somebody has like a well to tap for writing, even if it kind of goes over their head. So that’s just something I feel. And then with, with the parent child work, I do like, it’s hugely gratifying and brings me a lot of joy.

Like just kind of building a bridge like between like some of the missing pieces that parents may have about their tely wired kids. Mm. And like some of the needs of the kids that they really aren’t able to articulate, you know? Mm-hmm. . So I, I think those are some main ways of how I, I like to think I use my fire for.

Aurora: Hmm. and, and I’m curious on when you, in your bio, you mentioned your, what is it, your thesis that you were working on that sounded really 

Julia: interesting. Oh my gosh. I put my blood, sweat and tears into that. I still remember it to this day. I think it’s actually the length of a PhD dissertation, . But yeah, I.

There’s a man with Asperger is named William Stillman and he writes these beautiful books. I recommend those books to anyone with a child on the spectrum, but it was born of my experience working with kids on the spectrum and people like him and books like his mm-hmm. . But I just started noticing that kids on the spectrum were, Not only just like highly sensitive, but like super intuitive.

Mm-hmm. . And so yeah, my thesis is on that topic and it actually includes like it’s backed by actual psychological research and like various theories that I kind of weave together. I’m gonna humble brag and say that I got 400 outta 400 possible points on it. , I mean, it was just nice proof, proof that I worked my tail off.

But yeah, I. People who’ve read it preliminarily say that it’s very interesting and kind of a perspective that would add a lot of balance to what’s out there in the world. Hmm. Cause you know, I think the medical community, by and large in this, I don’t mean to generalize, but can be rather doer about it, you know?

Mm-hmm. . And it’s not to minimize that there are challenges, you know, of course there are. But I also don’t think it hurts to, like, see it from a, a more holistic and upbeat perspective. . 

Aurora: Mm-hmm. . Yeah. Totally. What do you think has helped you the most with harnessing the power of your intensity? 

Julia: Oh, I would say the first thing is self care

I know that sounds really basic, but it’s like really fundamental. I think I know this is going to sound cliched, but really loving and valu. My capacity for depth, you know, which can really be challenging in a world that would rather kind of often shut you down for that. Cause, you know, I feel like in order to harness something, you need to want to see it as something that you want to, like flame throw out into the world, , do you know what I mean?

And not let it, and not let it destroy you in a way. And then the third thing I would say is to harness it, like I, I would say, asking myself how I can use it in service to like other people. Has really been helpful. Mm, 

Aurora: yeah, definitely. Yeah. Are there any specific personal habits that you think have helped you to use your fire in a positive way?

Julia: I would, well I would definitely say writing writing are some, cuz like there’s a lot of things that I experience in the world being sensitively wired as like a huge charge of. Whether it’s like somebody cutting you off in traffic or either a really positive or negative interaction. And I think for me, finding a constructive way to channel that energy and get it out of me has been like really key.

I would say also appropriate use of humor. , like not humor. That’s like. Self-defeating, but like sort of being able to see when you’re genuinely ready, like the levity in a situation, you know? Mm-hmm. . Cause I think there’s a lot of intensity in being sensitive. Like you feel things and you know, some of the unkind things that people say, like it can really like run deep, you know.

And I think for me, after a while after processing things like, not in a way that minimizes what I felt, but that’s just adds perspective. It helps to laugh about, it sounds really stupid . It’s like they don’t even know me. You know? It’s like, so 

Aurora: yeah. Yeah. Totally. Totally. So is there any particular advice that really helped you?

Was the best advice anyone ever gave 

Julia: you? There’s actually three things that came to mind. Can I share all three ? Yeah. The best advice number one is Maya Angelou. When someone shows you who they are, pay attention the very first time, which I, I think I had a hard time with growing up because I was more prone to being like, maybe like overly optimistic and open-minded.

Mm. You know, but you sort of learn the hard way that not everybody has your best intentions. Mm-hmm. number two, I think it’s actually supposedly a quote from the Buddha, but it’s like, it goes something like, don’t believe anything because you’ve heard it. Always find out for yourself. I used to not be someone who would look into things by myself.

Like if someone told me something that someone who seemed to trustworthy, I wouldn’t, you know, kinda like wouldn’t bother. But now I always look into things for myself, and that’s been a big part of my empowerment, I think. And then number three would be, you gotta risk it to get the biscuit , which is true, you know.

A lot of apprehensions I have about things, you know, and yeah. Yeah. Sometimes you, you do need to push yourself a little bit, just mm-hmm. . Yeah. Sometimes the bigger the risk, bigger the reward . 

Aurora: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That’s totally true. What do you think what book has had the most influence on you 

Julia: or books? Oh my God.

There’s a book called Proof of Heaven by even Alexander. You read that? Mm-hmm. , a neurosurgeons tale of his experience of a near death experience, which is by far the most detailed one. I love that book. It’s fascinating, and I think the most, one of the most interesting things to me about it is that on his journey, spiritual journey, but he saw, was that what we know right now?

So small compared to what there is to be known, like all that there is to be known. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . I personally find that humbling and refreshing. Mm-hmm. , especially as someone who dabbles a lot in the new age arena, where there can be a lot of like, like weirdly spiritualized egos, you know, it’s like mm-hmm.

It’s like in psych school when you learn to diagnose and suddenly like either you had it or everyone else did. , I feel like in the spiritual arena, Ever since people learn law of attraction, like everything’s law of attraction and part of me is like, I’m kind of over it. You know? It’s like mm-hmm. . It’s just one law and I, I don’t know why people think that they know everything that there is to be known right now.

Yeah. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. I like to think that, I like to retain a sense of wonder and like, you know, wonderment about the world cause how could mm-hmm. , we possibly know everything there is to know, you know? Yeah, totally. Another book is Walden. By Henry David Thoreau. Just, it was like, almost like meeting a best friend when I first read it in middle school, but everything he said, I was like, yeah.

Yeah. Like Orange to the beat of your own drummer. Yeah. Like live deliberately. Yeah. Love that book. So Beautiful Citizen by Claudia Ran, which is poetry. Poetry. Mm-hmm. , highly recommend like, so expressive and powerful. And then of course the highly sensitive person by Dr. Lane, Aaron, like just a huge light, light bulb in my life.


Aurora: totally. Awesome. 

Julia: Thank you. 

Aurora: So how do you help others use their own fire? 

Julia: Well, I help other people use their own fire by, I don’t actually know if this is a word, but I use it. It’s called unconditioning. Like I sort of see unconditioning as undoing the layers of stuff that have been put on you and the expectations that have been conditioned upon you by people in society.

And like when you peel back those layers and really get to like who you truly are without, without those. Although in some ways who you are can be formed by those things, but I think that mm-hmm. , how they form you should be up to you. , , you know, that’s something that I’m really big on, you know, especially in my more like personal writing mentorship, but peeling back those layers to really get to you.

And then that, to me, once you get to that, that process of unearthing who you truly are. Mm-hmm. , like that’s such a powerful place to like, just come from in, in life in general, you. 

Aurora: Hmm, totally. Yeah. It’s interesting because the person who kind of coined the term over acceptability Debrowski, he’s, his main theory is the theory of positive disintegration, where basically you have to kind of fall apart before you come together into a stronger hole.

The gal, she’s not really, she doesn’t really have much going on publicly anymore, but Nikki Peterson, who’s on the podcast, she wrote, she wrote this post, and I think it might be on Amazon now as like a. Thing, but it’s called the browski sweater. And the, the way you described per perfectly like illustrates that basically she said, talked about how you, you’re like, you know, knitting or crocheting a sweater of your life experiences over the years.

That’s like a certain way based on, you know, how everybody tells you you should be. And then positive disintegration is like, you unravel that sweater and you use the existing yarn to, to create something that’s more your own. And I just, yeah, I love that imagery because it’s like you still have the yarn from, from your, you know, Upbringing, but, or all your circumstances, but then you’re taking ownership and creating something unique and that’s more you.

So I love that. 

Julia: Yes. And how often do you genuinely get a space to do that in, you know, I guess, yeah, I like to think that, and I guess this is a kind of an addition to your question, but. I have been in like creative classes where I feel like my creative impulses and originality were more like crushed than facilitated.

Mm. And so I, I really like to think that I have learned from that, and I really try not to be a force for that in the world. . Mm-hmm. , you know, and like, yeah. I think it, it takes a certain kind of consciousness to hold that kind of space for people where they can safely unravel and, and put, put that back together again.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. That’s cool. I’m gonna need to get that name from you again 

Aurora: after this. Yeah, I’m, I’ll have to see if I can find it because she had it on her blog, but then she, I think she took everything down and so, but I think it might still be available, so I will look for it because it was, I used to refer to it a lot, but she took it off her blog, so I’m not sure.

I’ll have to, I think I, I’ll look for it. But anyway. Cause I just think that analogy’s so perfect. . I was kind of sad to see that she’s not doing much publicly anymore. I think. Got a job and is in the private sector now mostly so. Just check on that, but 

Julia: I’ll hunter down, down , I’ll take a look. 

Aurora: So is there anything else you would like to share with the embracing intensity audience?

Julia: just want to encourage people to honor their sensitivity and just say that if you’re weird or different, to stay weird and different , because if it’s not now, then eventually your time will come. I truly feel that, and it sort of goes back to the beginning of it’s like, really, if, if I can make it through stuff, Get to this point, like I really feel like anyone can do anything, you know?

Yeah. But also I wanna say that it’s, it’s healing to tell your story. Mm-hmm. , I really feel, feel it is. And whether it’s with me or someone else, or just on your own. Like, it’s a really good time now to get that done, you know? And I think probably for the next year, because. I don’t think this covid thing is going away anytime soon.

And what the hell else are you gonna do at home? You know, . Yeah. So I just wanna encourage people who are listening to like really value your story and know that it’s healing for yourself and it will most likely be healing for other people. 

Aurora: Yeah. Totally. I agree. Yeah. How can they find out more about you?


Julia: can go to my website, which is my name, www.juliarosewild.com. There’s all kinds of fun offerings in my shop. You get a signed copy in my book. You can get my very cute little travel incense holder. It’s just part of my thing is I’m very small, sensitive and I kind of need to burden sensor sage at least once a.

Hate being without it. And I need something with sand. I couldn’t find it, so I just made it so much fun. I have an online writer’s retreat coming up slated for April 10 date. It’s titled Articulating the Empath Experience. Cause I just wanna create a, a safe space for people to like, put words to the, the way that they are in the world that maybe.

So much given space elsewhere. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Oh, thanks. Yeah, it’s been on the, it’s been cooking for a while. It feels so good to get the things that are cooking like out, right? Mm-hmm. , it’s like, it’s like giving birth . Yeah, totally. So, yeah. And then if you like all the, there’s like an events page, so you go there.

I do like 30 minute free consults if you wanna talk about your Rite Aid or your kid. And then, yeah, if you wanna sign up for my, I call it my newsletter. M u s E. Mm-hmm. . I call the uses when I write it. , I was cuter than newsletter. . . I’m gonna sign up for that. Yeah, sign up for that. Then you stay connected and I think you get, I think you still get 20% off my, my shop if you sign up.

So. Awesome. Yeah. 

Aurora: Well, thank you so much. It was. Great to get to know you better, and I’m excited to see what you have in store this year. I 

Julia: really appreciate this, Aurora. I hope you and everyone listening is having like a most fabulous and joyful beginning to your year, and I really thank you for what you do in the world because.

There have been times I have despaired of things and I’ve actually connected to your podcast and it’s given me an uplift, and we definitely need more of that in the world, you know? So thank 

Aurora: you. Well, thank you so much.

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There’s also a pay what you can option through our Patreon. Where you can increase your pledge to help sustain the podcast or join us at a rate that better fits your needs. You can also sign up for my Free, harnessing The Power of Your Intensity, a Self-Regulation workbook for gifted, creative, and twice exceptional adults and teens.

All links can be found in the show notes or on embracing intensity. Dot com.

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