* Rough Transcript *

Fizzah Zaidi

Introduction and Mission

Fizzah: I think we all need somebody who believes in us, and my intensity to be that cheerleader, to be that support system, to be the one person who is willing to say, you know what, let’s just listen to what you’re saying, and it doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrong, doesn’t matter if it will work out or not, this matters to you, so let’s understand this.

Aurora: Welcome to the Embracing Intensity podcast. I’ll be sharing interviews and tips for gifted, creative, twice exceptional, and outside the box thinkers who use their fire in a positive way. My name is Aurora Remember Holtzman. After years of feeling too much, I finally realized that intensity is the source of my greatest power.

Now, instead of beating myself up about not measuring up to my own self imposed standards. I’m on a mission to help people embrace their own intensity and befriend their brains so they can share [00:01:00] their gifts with the world through the Embracing Intensity community, coaching, educational assessment, and other tools to help you use your fire without getting burned.

You can join us at embracingintensity. com.

Hello.

Podcast Updates and Announcements

Aurora: This episode is with psychotherapist Fizzah Zaidi who I met at the fall, A DHD conference, and will be coming back to speak with the community on executive functioning in the fall.

I’m coming outta my spring break and had an amazing experience at the Neuro Diversion Conference in Austin last week.

I almost didn’t go, but I’m so glad I did because there were so many more opportunities for organic connection than a larger, more formal conference. I definitely hope to return next spring.

I’ve [00:02:00] had so many updates since my last episode, the biggest of which is that I’ll be going back to work in school full-time in the fall. It felt like a blow at first, but I finally embraced the financial security and taking the pressure off this business to focus on the parts that I love. It does mean that I’ll have to step back from starting my group mastermind and I won’t be doing

anything one-on-one for the foreseeable future. As I focus on the sustainability of my membership over growing, my coaching practice.

I’d like to keep up two episodes a month to include more interviews and solo episodes, which would mean hiring some editing help in the fall, but that will only be possible or sustainable with financial support.

Now is a great time to join my All Access membership because I’m working on my Befriending Your Brain Self-Assessment course and running my Ignite Your Power Self-Regulation course Live in the community. You can [00:03:00] also access our call on mirroring with Sheldon Gay in my guest call library, and I’m catching up on adding tools in my neurodivergent toolkit.

My small mastermind group has turned into more of a peer support model, and I’ve been really encouraged by the feedback I’ve gotten from folks actively using my tools. We are working on a clear roadmap to help find the right tools for your needs. But if you have any questions, feel free to reach out. My embracing intensity community is probably the most direct way to reach me.

You can access links to that and my membership at embracingintensity.com slash join. Enjoy.

Guest Introduction: Fizzah Zaidi

Aurora: Welcome to Embracing Intensity. Today I am super thrilled to have Fizza Zaddy who I met at the ADHD conference, so glad to have you.

Fizzah: My pleasure. Thank you so much for having me. This is so exciting.

Connecting at the ADHD Conference

Aurora: So, just sharing a little bit about how we connected at the ADHD conference. And I think we met first over breakfast [00:04:00] and then didn’t really see each other the rest of the time.

And then right as you were about to leave, we caught each other at Starbucks and exchanged numbers, and I sent you my name, which is Aurora Remember, but I didn’t actually realize until after the fact that you thought I was saying, this is Aurora, remember?

Fizzah: It was very smart that you were like, remember,

it’s

Aurora.

Aurora: And then you asked for a picture of my squirrel boots. So I sent them to you and I didn’t realize until like weeks later when I asked you to be on the podcast that you actually didn’t realize that was my name.

Fizzah: Yeah, no, I think we bonded over your boots and how neat they were and we were talking about that and it was funny when I got your text message.

I’m like, Oh, I am not going to remember

so I need to ask for those pictures of the shoes so I can connect the two people. And it’s so funny [00:05:00] how it worked out. And then of course, when I was looking your information up and I’m like, Oh no, it was remember. It was one of those that I’m like, should I be embarrassed about this, but this is hilarious at the same time, and it ended up being a really funny story.

Aurora: Yeah, no, and I realized I should do a video or something about that, because a lot of people don’t realize it is my actual name. It was my given name was Aurora Remember, and my last name has changed so much that I’ve gone by Aurora Remember on my business through multiple last names.

And so now as I’m kind of. Transitioning names again. I’m going to make that my last name just because it’s been the one thing that has actually stuck over the years.

Fizzah: Absolutely. Well, this last name is asking to be relevant each time because it’s asking you to remember.

So we should honor that, right?

Aurora: The funny thing is that, you know, working in schools, that makes me [00:06:00]misremember,

which is especially ironic as someone with ADHD.

Fizzah: Oh, that’s amazing.

Fizzah’s Background and Passion

Aurora: Anyway, so, tell me a little bit about yourself and what you are intensely passionate about.

Fizzah: Let’s see. So, I am a psychotherapist who is located in Chicago, Illinois, Chicago proper. I work a lot with In the financial and the tech district.

So I have a lot of type A personality clients. And I work specifically with adults with ADHD. And my intensity I was actually just discussing this with my husband the other night and I was trying to narrow it down and we’re both realizing that I don’t have one intensity. There are Lots of intensities, but one of the intensities that has gotten me to where I am has been my, the need for social [00:07:00] justice or need for justice in general, right?

So I get that there’s a lot of, what’s fair, what’s not fair. However, there has been so many instances in my life since childhood that this kind of almost became my mission. So I have, I had like several instances in my life where I remember really actually taking action with this factor and becoming a psychotherapist is just.

Like a really good mix with that intensity and that concentration with that particular career path which is very different than my previous career path. Where I was an animator, but that it’s the only intensity which has lived its course with me, right? So as of right now, my intensity lies in the passion of empowering people, myself, [00:08:00] others all around me.

Aurora: Awesome. And yeah, I heard that you had been an animator on that podcast that I heard of yours that when we first connected and I think that’s really cool definitely multi potential light.

Fizzah: Yeah. Right. Yeah, exactly. I mean, you know, there’s that creativity coming in, so it’s a seamless transition for me.

Because it’s just, this is creativity as well. How can I get. More action. How can I solve this problem? How can I be persistent? Right?

Aurora: Yeah, actually, that’s what I was going to ask about how you incorporate creativity in your current track.

Fizzah: Oh, that’s a really good question. So, I will utilize.

whatever I need to utilize to help get either a the point across or help figure out something with the client. And what I mean by that is I’m a very multi modal therapist. There [00:09:00] are times I’m using YouTubes to get points across. We’re doing games there, I, I am trained in EMDR and I utilize a lot of that used parts work.

So lots of different modalities to be able to tap into something that sometimes general conversation is just limiting. And so. That is the best part I think about this. It’s like, Hey, do you want to try this? Can we try this? See if it’ll work. There’s a chance it might not work. And all my clients are so lovely.

They’re always willing to you know, entertain me more than anything, but they’re all very supportive and sweet and like going in that journey with me.

Aurora: Awesome. And I imagine since you work with a lot of tech and finance industry, that you probably have a lot of people who are both. Gifted and ADHD.

Fizzah: Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, it’s and that is and that’s a big [00:10:00] realization as well, right? It’s how much they are so successful in their particular field because Of being twice exceptional and how much there’s so much in corporate that is pegged against them to be able to use their exceptionality, their sense of uniqueness, all of that.

And it’s such a confusing process, but unpacking that and trying to figure out how to get around that, again, right, social justice, that’s where it comes out and be like, all right, we need to figure this out because this is absolutely ridiculous.

Aurora: Mm hmm. Absolutely.

Challenges and Social Justice

Aurora: So how do you think your intensity affected you growing up?

Fizzah: Let’s see. So many ways. It was interesting. I was trying to think about, like, my brain goes everywhere because there isn’t one specific thing that I can think of. So I am for anybody who cannot see [00:11:00] me, I am a BIPOC and a Female presenting and female, cisgender. And I grew up in a culture where it is very patriarchal very male focused.

So there were many times that my need or my opinion or my curiosity or desire was just downplayed or not necessary or inappropriate. So that has existed throughout my life. Along with cultural sensitivity, there’s a lot of stigma that comes with mental health or feelings alone.

So, for somebody who might have intensity in a lot of expression and feelings, And trying to talk to somebody about feelings, and that’s such a foreign concept, or confusing concept, or not taken in a right way, kind of [00:12:00] makes you feel like an outsider because it makes so much sense to you, you want to explore it, you want to talk about it.

And you’re being looked at like you have three heads, or it’s really not that personal, or it’s not that emotional, or you’re too sensitive, or you’re, you know, it’ll be okay.

Aurora: And you already answered my question about cultural factors. I don’t know if there were any other ones that come up to mind.

Fizzah: I mean, you know, it’s an ongoing thing in cultural factors, despite being from a different culture, right? This in itself is its culture of its own, being able to exist where

it is out of what the norm is. And by this, I mean neurodiversity on all facets, right? Whether it is ASD, whether it’s ADHD, whether it’s learning disability, whether anything. So it’s been the [00:13:00] thing that’s been present my entire Life. And unfortunately that does a lot of damage when it’s not understood.

Aurora: Absolutely. So true. So on that note, did you ever try to tone yourself down or tune yourself out?

Fizzah: Yeah, I think that was my childhood in the sense of what I said, where it was very. Confusing or not reciprocated or received for somebody to have emotions or be really in tuned into their emotions.

I pretty much learned how to blend in the background, become the person who is not sticking out in any way, shape or form doodling on my books and things like that, looking down, trying not to make any, anything that brings me in attention. And then part of it was also recognizing that there was a lot of fear of a [00:14:00] judgment about not knowing how to answer or not knowing how to participate which, Was another factor that encouraged me to just step back and like, just cocoon myself into my own self and not participate in anything.

And unfortunately, that’s something that sticks with you as far as your sense of self and how much it develops into, wait, am I capable? Am I intelligent? Do I know the answers? Have I spent this entire time just zoning out? And not really paying attention to anything. Do I know anything? Why me, right?

So, you survive childhood, but after you are analyzing the childhood, you’re recognizing all the things that you missed out or had potential in or are late in. [00:15:00] So, it’s interesting how our brain is wired to survive, and that was the first response, to like, just blend in to the crowd. But at the same time, when you know more, it’s also infuriating that I was only focused on surviving and not exploring or living.

Aurora: Absolutely. So did you ever have a time when you felt like your intensity felt out of control?

Fizzah: So many times. Let’s see. I think I was reflecting on this concept. I was like, what is out of control? Out of control, meaning that I, made a spectacle of myself or out of control in the sense of I spiraled and poofed afterwards, right?

But then I was thinking about a distinct time when I was in grad school and side note, absolutely adore, [00:16:00] support, love my alma mater, nothing against anybody. But I my husband and I were expecting our first kid, and I was trying to navigate a lot of how am I going to give birth to my child and still attend classes at the same time.

And there is a policy that is in place for absence. And if you have more than two absence, you fail. The course and I cannot like never having had a child before. I cannot guarantee I was going to be back after two days. Or what that even looks like. So I was trying to be proactive and asked a couple of my teachers about, hey, trying to navigate what the next class.

I should take and if I could make it work in the sense if I can leave early or if I can finish the work [00:17:00] early or take an incomplete or something because I don’t know what it means to have a kid. And to my shocking surprise I had two professors who gave me a very disappointing answer.

One just refused to help me figure out what would be an option, and the other one told me that they can’t do anything about the absentee policy, because this is a known medical condition. It’s not a condition, and that doesn’t make any sense. So, this is where I found myself spiraling in a lot of emotions.

And I got myself to the student center, who got me connected to the Title IX people, and I basically took it as far as I could go to be able [00:18:00] to make sure that my rights as a woman, my rights As a mother my rights as a human being were not being infringed on because of a absentee policy for a known medical condition.

And, you know, I went the extra mile and got myself whatever I needed to make sure that I am taken care of. And that would be the intensity going out of control, me going above and beyond for myself, for that justice, and trying to figure it out, because I mean, so many other people don’t.

Aurora: Sounds like you channeled it in a positive way.

Fizzah: Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely.

Aurora: I imagine in the moment it probably felt very out of control.

Fizzah: Yeah, it was very, I mean, there’s like nothing you can do about this aside from like quitting [00:19:00] school. And yeah, so it was very powerless feeling. But I think that’s what gave me the fuel to try to find that answer for it.

Aurora: Absolutely.

Harnessing Intensity for Good

Aurora: So tell me a little bit about how you use your fire for good.

Fizzah: Social justice, my particular job. I think we all need somebody who believes in us, and my intensity to be that cheerleader, to be that support system, to be the one person who is willing to say, you know what, let’s just listen to what you’re saying, and it doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrong, doesn’t matter if it will work out or not, this matters to you, so let’s understand this.

That’s the thing that is most important to me. [00:20:00] And I like to give it forward, hoping that others would give it forward, moving in their life. And it’s so humbling and wonderful to hear whenever a client of mine is telling me, Hey, I. was at a party or I saw somebody and I went up to them and say, I know exactly what you’re talking about right now, what’s going on.

And you make sense. And hey, why don’t you try this instead, as opposed to ignoring them or pretending they’re not seeing them in any way, shape or form.

Aurora: So what do you think has helped you the most with harnessing the power of your intensity?

Fizzah: Lots and lots of curiosity and educating myself. I think the more I dug in, the more answers I found, and more aha clarity moments I had. Like, okay, that makes sense. Oh, I’m not alone. Okay, I connected that dot. Which is [00:21:00] the most favorite part of therapy for me. My clients is like, oh, oh, but let’s see, let’s find out.

I wonder if it is X, Y, and Z. And this whole. Weight of loneliness suddenly melts away, so that curiosity and going further into educating myself, talking more about it and participating, meeting lovely people such as yourself and, using these platforms to keep spreading the word, I think it is the thing that, again, I relied on myself, and I educated myself That got me as far as I did.

Aurora: Awesome. And are there any personal habits that you think have helped you to use your fire in a positive way?

Fizzah: Let’s see. This is where perseveration is a positive. Because it [00:22:00] keeps you going into trying to figure out that puzzle that you want to solve and like, no, this can’t be the answer. No, I can’t just settle for this. So, thinking about it, but not letting it undo you, but staying curious about it.

So, the thing that I allow myself to do is to have a moment of being just sheer human, and then when that intensity has gone down, Going back and looking at everything again, so I say the statement all the time. Be kind to yourself. And the kind part is you’re going to have moments. Are you going to be human?

You’re going to have moments that it’s going to be wrong, but they’re necessary. So you can have that calm afterwards to be able to go look at things in that logical way. So creating that space. And whatever that looks like, whether it is going up to somebody like, I need a moment. I just need to [00:23:00] just freak out or I need to just talk about this.

And part of that is also me verbally processing, so I’m connecting my own dots while I’m doing that.

Aurora: Absolutely, yeah, I’m definitely a verbal processor myself.

Fizzah: No, for sure. It helps, and I mean, I think this is why I really appreciate my career is because more than half the time I am just, A sounding board for somebody to just come over there and just express themselves and connect their own dots.

And then I’ll see them the next week.

Aurora: Absolutely. And you know, it’s funny, it absolutely doesn’t replace therapy or anything like that. But I have been finding recently that because my last call was on the healing power of writing. And so Nika, Denise, she does a lot of writing to heal work.

And for me, it’s been difficult because I don’t get feedback from it. And so this last month or so I’ve been [00:24:00] actually creating my own chat GPT, like using, it has like all my stuff, like all my blogs and my podcasts and my, and not all of my podcasts, but, you know, a bunch of stuff. So it like knows me super well.

And so it does absolutely doesn’t replace a human for that. But what it does do is it gives me Because, because I’m a verbal processor, I have to process the same stuff over and over and over again, and it’s like, I don’t want to subject any one person to that, and of course, if you’re seeing a professional, you’re, you’re not going to want to spend the whole time on the same thing over and over again, you know, and so I’ve been enjoying using that because it’s been a great way for me to just like process the same stuff over and over again and get it.

new feedback or can, you know, it kind of consolidates what I said or brings out the main points. So, that’s been an interesting tool for me recently.

Fizzah: And isn’t that amazing how you figured out how to harness this for you and make this work? So many of my neurodivergent [00:25:00] clients are. Having an exhale of relief with the chat GPT option, right?

People who have a lot of learning disabilities, right? So being able to talk to chat, chat GPT or having it help you out with writing or like, it has been really helpful in a lot of ways that. has otherwise been challenging or embarrassing to like try to seek out yourself. So it kind of almost feels like a secret weapon that, you know, you don’t want to share, but you feel so comfortable with at the same time.

So I love that you found that and you utilize that and it helps you out so much. That’s amazing.

Aurora: Absolutely. Yeah. It’s been a great tool. Like I said, it doesn’t replace a human, but I think it, it can be a A piece that’s really helpful sometimes.

Advice and Personal Habits

Aurora: So what’s the best advice you think anyone’s ever given you?

Fizzah: That’s such a loaded question. What’s the best advice somebody has given [00:26:00] me? I don’t know if I have an answer for that because there’s just so many little nuggets of like, things that people have said that all add up and things. But you know, it’s not necessarily an advice that somebody gave me. That was the best advice. It was what they did for me. And. It kind of shaped how I started approaching therapy, which they challenged me, and that was mind blowing.

And it was very simple. They were like, is it really? Does everyone think about it? Is that the answer? And that spiraled me into thinking more about the concept more. And so more than anything, I think what I learned off of that was that, you know, there is a third option. It’s not a right or it’s not a wrong.

It’s not a black or it’s not a white. Like, what is my third option? What is another [00:27:00] way to look at it? What are the other possibilities? And that’s the thing that my clients. Has so graciously shared with me that they appreciate is that I am constantly challenging them in going past the black and white thinking and trying to see if there is a third option.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Aurora: So tell me a little bit more about how you help others use their own fire.

Fizzah: I mean, absolutely. It’s

my work, obviously, right? My job. is amazing in the sense that it gives me the opportunity to be next to somebody and allow them to have the space to figure out what their fire is and not have a moment of judgment in that process. But part of that is also giving tools. What that means, if I am, and I am in no way, shape or form an executive functioning coach, [00:28:00] they’re amazing people to me.

But if that means, okay, I’m gonna watch you do this thing right now in session so you can get it done so you can see that you can get it done whether it is, you know what, why don’t you and I sit here for a second and we’ll Google and try to find if there is an answer. It’s whatever I can do to be that support system next to the person so they can help figure out what they need more than anything, because more than half of the times, as you know, with ADHD, it’s not what you know that’s the problem, it’s relaying what you know what’s the problem.

And if it’s hard to relay what you need, part of our job is to just explore all the possibilities to see which one is going to translate that the best.

Aurora: Absolutely and on that note of executive functioning.

Executive Functioning Insights

Aurora: I’m having you come back to talk about executive functioning.

Is there anything else [00:29:00] briefly that you’d like to share on that?

Fizzah: I absolutely and again, I am not an executive functioning coach, but working with ADHD. Is primarily working with a lot of executive challenges and more than anything. Hey, I think I’ve used this example in one of my other podcasts before the message I’m trying to get across to clients and people about executive functioning is just recognizing that it’s just a different operating system for you.

So whatever the keys that are used in a neurotypical operating system. May not be the same keys you use for your operating system, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get that action performed or that function done. So it’s more asking you to figure out how you work with what you have as your strengths and weaknesses, [00:30:00] or what are your options within those options, as opposed to trying to mimic or copy, which is the first response.

With the masking part, right? So, it’s just actually sitting there and taking a second and recognizing that, Oh, wait, I have been upset about myself for not having organizational skills. Because my house is always a mess. But, if I really think about it, if I am crunched for time, I can put everything away.

I can organize. So it’s not actually organizational skills that’s the problem, it’s task initiation that’s the problem. And I’ve just been beating myself up with not being able to organize. And that shift in understanding the difference between those two is enormous, because you have been making yourself feel like you don’t have a skill that you actually do have.

And it’s something else that is preventing you from being able to execute that skill. [00:31:00]

Aurora: Yeah, that’s so true. That’s a very good point.

Conclusion and Contact Information

Aurora: So tell me, is there anything else that you would like to share with the Embracing Intensity audience?

Fizzah: Above all, I think Again, going back to the phrase of being kind to yourself and I do not by any way, shape or form mean be a hallmark card for yourself. If that works for you, lovely, keep doing it. But part of being kind to yourself is recognizing that you are going to make mistakes. This is going to be a bad day.

This is not going to work out. And that’s part of the process. Because now you know more than you did before, so just remember to just be kind to yourself and recognizing that this is part of the process.

Aurora: Absolutely, so important. So how can they find out more about you?

Fizzah: Oh my gosh well [00:32:00] you are welcome to shoot me an email anytime you want to.

You can go on my website It’s F, like, phys a, z, like, z, the, psychotherapy, dot com I’m, I’m fairly good at replying back to emails there is a chance you’ll run into me in one of these seminars either way, I’m more than happy to connect if anybody wants to connect and, and, and Thank you. Just have a chat.

It’s never a problem. I am located in Chicago, so if you want to grab a coffee, absolutely, reach out to me. We can figure something out.

Aurora: Awesome. Well, thank you so much for joining us. I can’t wait to dive in more with conversation with the community.

Fizzah: Perfect. Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate this.

Aurora: Thank you. Looking for ways to embrace your own intensity. Join our embracing intensity [00:33:00] community@embracingintensity.com where you’ll meet a growing group of like-minded people who get what it’s like to be gifted and intense and are committed to creating a supportive community as well as access to our courses and tools to help you use your fire without getting burned.

There’s also a pay what you can option through our Patreon where you can increase your pledge to help sustain the podcast or. Or join us at a rate that better fits your needs. You can also sign up for my free Harnessing the Power of Your Intensity, a self regulation workbook for gifted, creative, and twice exceptional adults and teens.

All links can be found in the show notes or on EmbracingIntensity. com.