You ever find a book that you want to go out and buy for everyone? Well Rising Strong by Brene Brown is one of those for me. I love everything she does, but this was not only insightful, but also had me laughing out loud (listening to her voice on the audio version helped).
One of the concepts I really appreciated was the idea of “moving the rock.” When asked what he would do if he knew that someone he was really frustrated with was doing the best he could, a man said, “Then move the rock.”
When asked to explain, he said, “I have to stop kicking the rock. I need to move it. It’s hurting both of us.”
In essence, as Brene says, “we stop respecting and evaluating people based on what we think they should accomplish, and start respecting them for who they are and holding them accountable for what they’re actually doing. It means that we stop loving people for who they could be and start loving them for who they are.”
I think we are often guilty of doing this to ourselves more than others! What we think of as “underachievement” is really just a focus on achievement in the wrong area.
We beat ourselves up for what we “should” do instead of celebrating what we do well and enjoy.
Of course, this may have been reinforced by years of schooling that focused on fitting inside a box. If you were lucky, perhaps you had a teacher or two who celebrated you for who you are.
As adults, we have the opportunity to shift our thinking. If I’ve learned one thing in my years of reading personal development literature it is that when we eliminate the word “should” from our thoughts and vocabulary, the world is a much happier place.
What would you be doing if you didn’t think you “should” be doing something else?